Those Publishers Clearing House Jerks

Publishers Clearing House, that shammy looking sweepstakes that seems to have been around around forever is starting to get under my skin.  I enjoy getting the entry envelopes in the mail, the “stamps” for needless as seen on TV type stuff.  I remember as a kid it was all magazine subscription stamps that I’d go through and stick all over the place while trying to figure out how to get my mom to order a couple for me and always trying to sneak in the Playboy stamp among some video game ones.  It never worked but it was always the first stamp I looked for.

 

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Anyways while realizing it’s an envelope full of trash, I love taking it to work the next day, filling up my coffee and filling it out finding all the little games you need to correctly have attached to your official entry form.  Honestly it’s a thing of marketing beauty.  As I’m writing this I’ve figured out it’s the snazzy marketing and sales angles they throw in there designed to pull you in hitting non-sense milestones of achievement  making you think “holy shit this is actually possible.”  Of course it’s not but the mindfuckery is stunning.

The other day while walking the dogs I declared that the Publishers Clearinghouse people are a bunch of jerks, and after all this time of filling it out I was actually doing THEM a favor in even participating and how hard is it to at least let me have a jackpot for my years of service?  $5,000 a week for the rest of your life?  I think that’s a pretty small price to pay for my dedication to their junk mail.  It’s not even about winning, I just demand recognition!  Besides I saw who you gave the last jackpot to!  At the rate Thelma is going, her total payout is going to be $35,000!  Stop discriminating against me because of my long life expectancy JERKS!

 

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Come on April 30th! (bastards)

 

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