That Married Guy

Once the coronavirus outbreak hit, people all around the country fell under shelter-in-place orders. Couples didn’t have a choice. If they wanted to do something fun together, using stay at home date ideas was a must. After all, it wasn’t just unsafe to do many of the activities they usually enjoyed; it was downright impossible (if not, technically, illegal).

Luckily, there are tons of great stay at home date ideas. If you want to spend some quality time together as a couple or simply enjoy a little fun together, here are six options that can work for nearly anyone.

6 Great Stay at Home Date Ideas

1. Try a Board Game or Puzzle

If it’s been a while since you’ve broken out a board game or puzzle, consider giving one a try on your next stay at home date. You can use one that you already have or find something next online that you can get delivered in time.

For couples who enjoy a little friendly competition, classics like Battleship can be fun as well as many of the newer two-player board games you can find. But, if that competitive streak doesn’t always end well, doing a puzzle cooperatively might be a better choice.

2. Next Level Take-Out and a Movie

Dinner and a movie is a classic date. When you need a stay at home date, it’s an easy experience to replicate. Plus, with a few extras, you can really take it to the next level.

First, don’t just choose any take-out restaurant. Go with something you’ll both enjoy that’s a little bit special instead of what you’d usually grab on any given Tuesday. Then, serve it on nice dishes. Heck, break out your wedding china, if you have it.

But don’t stop there. For the movie, make it feel like a theater. Turn off the overhead lights, pop some popcorn, and pick up snack candy (or have it delivered). That way, it’s like going out even when you’re staying at home.

3. How About a Backyard Picnic

Homeowners and renters that have their own private outdoor space might enjoy spending some time outside while having a meal. Just grab a big blanket and grab some foods that you can easily enjoy while resting out on the grass.

If you want to create a date night-friendly mood, have your picnic at sunset and plan to have dessert under the stars. It can add a nice romantic flair to the occasion, making it a little more special.

4. Have a Tasting Party

Today, it’s pretty easy to get your hands on items that would be a great for an at-home tasting party. Track down unique whiskeys or craft beers. Create a cheese platter featuring types that you haven’t tried before. Get a sampling of cured meats and crackers. Then, experience the new flavors and discuss them together. Who knows, you might discover a favorite you would never have tried otherwise.

5. DIY Wine and Paint

The “wine and paint” experience can be a lot of fun, including when you replicate it at home. Start off by getting a bottle or two of your favorite wine. Next, look for a painting tutorial that you can follow (when in doubt, find an episode of The Joy of Painting and let Bob Ross be your guide). Order any supplies you’ll need from Amazon, Walmart, Michael’s, Joann, or a similar store. Once they arrive, schedule your wine and paint date.

6. Karaoke Night

Thanks to sites like YouTube, it’s surprisingly easy to host your own karaoke night. There are tons of free karaoke-style videos available, and thousands upon thousands more lyrics videos. Alternate who gets to pick the song and enjoy belting them out solo or together. Not only is it fun, but it can also be a great way to learn more about what your partner enjoys when it comes to music.

Elevating Your Stay at Home Date

Making a date at home date feel extra special can seem like a challenge, but it doesn’t have to be. With a little bit of diligence and attention to detail, anyone can do it.

First, make it a rule that when you’re enjoying a stay at home date, you won’t use your phones. Silence them, turn them off, bury them in a sock drawer, or do whatever it takes so that you won’t be distracted by every random notification. That way, you can both give each other your full attention.

Second, if you have children, plan something amazing for them, too – preferably something that you don’t need to directly supervise at all times. If they are occupied, you can enjoy your stay at home date with greater ease.

But if that isn’t an option, that’s okay. Worst-case, choose an activity that you can all enjoy as a family, not just something the kids will like. If everyone is having fun, that’s a win, even if it isn’t the private date you originally wanted to arrange.

Navigating a marriage can be surprisingly difficult. While much of the journey is exhilarating, it can also be challenging. That’s especially true if you don’t work to avoid dumbass mistakes that can hurt your relationships.

Often, missteps happen because you don’t know they can be a problem. A seemingly innocuous statement (that actually isn’t), an ill-timed request, or an inappropriate reaction can all do a lot of damage. Luckily, by knowing what mistakes to avoid in your marriage, you can keep your relationship going strong. If you want to stay on target, here are six mistakes to avoid in your marriage.

1. Not Handling Chores Fairly

Chores can be a contentious topic in a marriage. Figuring out what is and isn’t “fair” isn’t easy. This is especially true if one spouse automatically adopts a traditional gender role perspective when the other doesn’t or otherwise places most of the burden on their partner.

Similarly, leaving one spouse in control of the chores is usually a bad idea. This happens when both people are willing to do their part, but one relies on the other to tell them every time something needs to be done. It practically forces one partner to assume the role of the household nag, and that isn’t good for anyone.

If you want to avoid this marriage mistake (and the fights that would ultimately take place if you didn’t), then sit done and discuss how to divvy up the responsibilities. You don’t have to split them straight down the middle, but it does need to be equitable. Make sure the burden feels shared and, once you agree on how to tackle chores, work to keep up with your end of the bargain without having to be told.

2. Assuming All Physical Affection is Leading Somewhere

Physical affection can be a critical part of an intimate relationship. It’s nice to exchange touch, and some spouses need a physical connection to feel cared for and loved.

However, that doesn’t mean every affectionate gesture needs to lead to sex. While it certainly can, assuming that it always will can actually hinder intimacy. It puts a ton of pressure on what a touch means and may cause some adults to shy away from physical contact entirely if they aren’t in the mood for more than a hug, kiss, or hand-holding.

Spend time enjoying physical contact for what it is, and not where you think it should go. If you both want to take it further, that’s great. But, if you don’t, that’s fine, too.

3. Spending Money Without Considering Your Spouse

When you’re married, your finances typically become entwined. Paying bills, handling household expenses, planning for retirement, saving for a house, and much more become joint ventures. It’s that simple.

If one spouse starts spending without consulting the other, this can spell trouble. Disagreements about money are a leading cause of divorce, and spending without considering how your spouse would react or speaking with them first isn’t going to help your relationship.

Once you get married (or, preferably, even before), talk about money with your partner. Find out what kind of spending doesn’t need to be discussed in advance and what does. Get on the same page about your financial goals and how your incomes should be allocated. That way, you both understand what is and isn’t okay, and can act accordingly.

4. Making Big Plans Without Having a Conversation

Plans, no matter what is involved, are an obligation. First, they take up time in your schedules. Second, they require physical, mental, or emotional effort.

Not talking to your spouse before committing to a dinner with friends, holiday with the family, or trip away from home is a bad move. It’s forcing an obligation onto your partner and isn’t respectful of their schedule or physical, mental, or emotional capacity to handle what will occur. Plus, it makes them the “bad guy” if you have to make a change because they aren’t able to attend.

Before you make big plans, talk to your spouse. It’s always best to check with your partner before you commit so that they have an opportunity to make their opinions known before it becomes official.

5. Assuming You’ll Never Spend Time Apart

While you might think that wanting to spend every minute with your spouse is romantic, that isn’t always the case. It can actually be a bit smothering, particularly if you won’t let your partner do things without you or invite yourself to come along to every event.

It’s smart to spend time as individuals. You get enough breathing room to pursue interests the other doesn’t share, maintain other relationships, and handle personal commitments. Plus, it will give you something to talk about when they return, injecting a fresh conversation into the equation.

6. Letting Politeness Go Out the Window

Just because you’re married, that doesn’t mean common courtesies like “please” and “thank you” are no longer necessary. It’s basic decency, and both you and your spouse deserve that.

Without politeness, it’s easy for spouses to feel underappreciated. The offending partner comes off as if they expect certain things to happen, and that those efforts aren’t worthy of recognition.

Whenever your partner does something that benefits you or your household, let them know that you recognize and appreciate your effort. That includes everything big and small. Even a simple gesture like bringing you a cup of coffee should be acknowledged, ensuring your spouse knows you appreciate all they do.

Good communication is critical in any marriage. Without effectively communicating with one another, spouses can usually end up in deep trouble fast. In some cases, it can even lead to a failed marriage, particularly if the communication problems allow issues to escalate.

Luckily, it isn’t hard to improve your communication skills as a couple. Here’s a look at seven common communication problems spouses face and tips on how to fix them.

1. Avoiding Hard Topics

Not talking about an issue is almost guaranteed to cause trouble. If a spouse is upset, feels wronged, or wants to see something change, not bringing it up allows resentment to build. Over time, it may even lead to anger and hostility, neither of which is good for a marriage.

This is one of the communication problems with a simple solution: talking. By discussing an issue as soon as it arises, it keeps it from festering into something bigger.

I will also add that it is important not to minimize or ignore what may seem like insignificant or trivial stresses. For example, in the days leading up to our wedding, my wife-to-be was stressed about whether or not to wear her glasses. It seemed like such a silly thing to be stressed about and it ended up with us fighting. Just days before getting married.

Later I understood this stress about her glasses was just the overall stress of the event manifesting itself. But because I didn’t listen and I downplayed her concerns, a small issue escalated into a big hairy monster. We did eventually talk this through and we are better communicators because of it.

2. Placing Blame

Many arguments involve one spouse viewing the other as being responsible for an issue. It causes one to try to blame the other for the problem, leading one spouse to spend a lot of time making “you” statements. The trouble is that this approach usually makes one spouse defensive. Plus, it can be a hurtful way to communicate and rarely solves the problem.

Instead of blaming each other, you need to work together toward a solution. Don’t get stuck on “you did this” or “you did that.” Do define the problem, but avoid doling out responsibility. Then, try to be a team and find a resolution.

3. Yelling

When it comes to communication problems, yelling is a doozy. Usually, a person starts to shout as a way to release anger and frustration. The issue is, that form of release typically causes more trouble than its worth. It can leave one spouse feeling attacked. Plus, any message you try to share when telling isn’t often heard by the listener.

While expressing emotion is fine, you should avoid yelling at all costs. If you feel anger building and are worried about how you’ll express it, then it’s usually better to take a short break. That way, you can collect yourself and restore a sense of calm, allowing you to restart the conversation with a clearer head.

4. Competing

When people picture the end of a fight, they usually imagine that there’s a winner and a loser. They envision the event as competitive. But, if spouses are trying to win, it usually means that both will ultimately lose.

If you and your spouse are in a disagreement, you need to take a breath and remember that you’re a team. It isn’t one of you against the other. You aren’t in a competition here. Abandon the idea that there’s a winner and a loser. Instead, try to find a solution that lets you both move forward in a positive direction, increasing the odds that you’ll create a win-win.

5. Hurling Insults

Throwing insults is never productive. All it does is hurt the other spouse. Plus, depending on what you say, it could fundamentally alter the relationship. As far as communication problems are concerned, degrading your spouse can be the hardest to walk back from as your spouse might assume the insult is what you really think of them.

During an argument, you need to think before you speak. If you’re angry, that can be difficult. Taking a break from the conversation can be a smart move if you’re worried you’ll say something you’ll regret. Otherwise, you need to really consider every word before it escapes your mouth. Even an incredibly brief pause before you respond can be enough.

6. Bring Up the Past

One of the bigger communication problems a couple might face is the urge to through a spouse’s past mistakes in their face. Using a past loss or misstep doesn’t make your case stronger. It actually serves no purpose but to hurt your spouse.

If you’ve had a disagreement in the past that isn’t relevant to your discussion now, leave it where it belongs (in the past). Anything that you’ve previously resolved or moved beyond shouldn’t become ammunition now. Instead, keep your discussion focused on the topic at hand.

7. Not Listening

During a heated conversation, many people focus on pleading their case. The moment their spouse brings up a point, they start focusing on what they are going to say next. The issue is, this approach means you aren’t fully listening to what your spouse is saying and could miss something important. You’re focused on what you’ll broach when you get your next chance to talk, and that could make you deaf to what’s being discussed right now.

When you talk with your spouse, don’t start formulating a response while they’re still talking. Instead, concentrate on what they are sharing. As you do, try to put yourself in their shows and really consider their perspective. That way, when it’s your turn to talk, you have as much information and context as possible, increasing the odds that your reply will be productive, respectful, and relevant.

In the U.S., football season has been underway for more than a month. Fans from around the country glue themselves to the television every Sunday (as well as Mondays and Thursdays, at least when their teams are playing) to watch two teams face off.

While something as competitive as a football game might not seem like it has a lot in common with marriage, that actually isn’t the case. When you examine how the sport works and what it takes for a team to win, it’s pretty easy to see how the two relate. If you still aren’t sure about that idea, here’s a look at what marriage and football have in common.

Both Are Team Sports

In a way, marriage is a team sport, just like football. Think of it this way; if a football team’s players only focused on what they wanted as individuals, would it work? Probably not. While they might all agree that winning is the main goal, they won’t see eye to eye on how to get there or the role they should each play during the course of the game. Each player would start pushing their own agenda, and that might lead to some less than ideal outcomes, including resentment from others on the team, poor choices, and even chaos instead of clear joint decision-making. The same issues can arise in a marriage if you aren’t careful.

It’s important to remember that you and your spouse are in it together, both hoping to “win” at the game of life. In order to make that happen, you need to work together. You must align yourself with the same major goals, choose “plays” that help you advance toward the end zone, and rely on each other to keeping moving forward. Additionally, you need to respect what your spouse brings to the table and their perspective.

Good Communication Makes a Difference

Football is all about communication. Teams gather in huddles, quarterbacks discuss options with their coaches, and audibles are called when quick changes need to happen before a play starts. When you think about it, there’s a ton of talking in football, and it should be the same way in your marriage.

Communication is critical if you want your marriage to thrive. By using effective communication techniques, including active listening, you can both ensure that your thoughts and perspectives are known, concerns are heard, and compromises can be reached when necessary.

If you don’t communicate with one another, you are setting yourself up for failure. You won’t know what problems might be brewing if you don’t talk to each other. Plus, you can’t find solutions to issues if one of you doesn’t know that something is wrong.

Planning Is Critical for Success

Football teams rely on a playbook to coordinate their actions during a game. It clues everyone into the larger plan and outlines what moves will occur when. Essentially, a playbook is a plan for success.

In a marriage, planning is also crucial. You need to consider what your joint goals are and decide what path is best for achieving your objectives. This could include creating “plays” for managing money, career advancement, buying a home, having children, retiring, and more.

Consider all of the kinds of points that may cause strife in your marriage. Then, instead of leaving things to chance, sit down with your spouse and come up with plans. Learn each other’s perspectives on every topic and see if you are on the same page. Discuss how you would both like to tackle it and work toward a consensus.

Once you reach an agreement, make it formal. Write it down so you can both refer to it whenever the need arises. In the end, you’ll create a playbook that will keep you focused on what matters to you both as a couple.

Learning is Fundamental

Even the best football teams work to improve. Each player tries to enhance their skills or acquire ones they don’t have to overcome any weaknesses. They apply themselves to the idea of continuous growth, ensuring they are always at their best.

In a marriage, learning is fundamental as well. You both need to work to be at your best, and that can involve spending time improving yourself. After all, neither of you know everything. Plus, your situation is ever-evolving. Life is unpredictable, so you need to be ready to do what it takes to keep thriving. Plus, even the predictable parts require new perspectives and capabilities.

If you spot a hole in your game, consider what you can do to fill it. That way, your team becomes stronger, ensuring you and your spouse are in the best position to win as possible.

Ultimately, no football team has a winning season by accident. It takes time, planning, dedication, communication, and working together toward common goals. The same thing is true with marriage, so remember that you, as a couple, are in this together as you may your way toward the end zone.

Getting married is an amazing and wonderful thing. It marks a turning point in your relationship and comes with a sense of optimism about the future. However, your first year of marriage is also hard work. You have to develop new patterns as a couple, learn how to manage your life as a unit instead of as individuals, and overcome challenges you might not expect.

Figuring out how to thrive during your first year as a married couple is daunting. This is especially true since most of the advice you receive during this early stage is fairly cliché (and not all of it is actually that wise). But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to flourish as you launch your life together. Here are five tips that can help newlyweds start their marriage off right.

1. Thank Each Other

An attitude of gratitude can go a long way during your first year of marriage. It ensures that neither of you takes the other for granted. Additionally, it increases the odds that you’ll both notice what you give to each other and the relationship.

When your spouse does something for you, thank them. Even if it’s as small as grabbing you a drink from the fridge when they were already in the kitchen, showing your gratitude brings a positive tone to the relationship. That alone makes it worthwhile as it ensures that your marriage is built on mutual appreciation.

2. Don’t Neglect Yourself

When you first get married, it’s normal to focus heavily on your spouse’s needs. You want to nurture them and the relationship, so you put a lot of energy into going the extra mile for them.

The trouble is, if you aren’t nurturing yourself as well, you aren’t giving yourself a chance to rejuvenate and reset. Self-care is important. Make sure you take time to handle your own needs as well and let your spouse do the same. In the end, your relationship will be better off for it.

3. Do New Things Together

After your wedding, you might experience a bit of an emotional dip. After all, planning for the event and the idea of getting married are really exciting, so you’ve probably spent months (or longer) living on a bit of a high. Then, once you start to settle into your life together, it might seem like your lives have gotten a bit dull in comparison.

Luckily, it is possible to reignite that spark almost whenever you wish. You can inject a sense of excitement into your marriage. If you want to keep your connection strong and energy level up, have “adventures” together.

Trying something new as a couple can strengthen your relationship, allowing you to forge a stronger bond. You could explore a new city over a long weekend, try a type of cuisine you’ve both never had, take a class together, or anything else. As long as it is something neither of you has experienced, even if it’s small, it can work wonders.

4. Balance Doesn’t Require a 50/50 Split

Many newlywed couples assume that, if they are going to be equals in the relationship, everything has to be split down the middle. They might believe that if they don’t each take on half of the cooking, cleaning, and similar responsibilities, the relationship is unbalanced. However, that isn’t the case.

Equality in a relationship doesn’t mean splitting everything down the middle. That’s an incredibly rigid notion, and it rarely works over the long-term. Instead, it’s about each spouse supporting the other while being adaptable.

For example, there may be times when one of you is overwhelmed at work while the other isn’t. When that happens, it’s better to adjust your home responsibilities accordingly, allowing the overworked spouse a bit of breathing room thanks to the support of the other. Then, when that work situation calms, things can be readjusted as necessary.

The idea is to understand that the demands on your time and energy will ebb and flow. In order to maintain balance, you’ll both need to be able to roll with waves and adapt to the changing tides. That way, you can adjust whenever circumstances make that a necessity, ensuring everyone feels that they are doing their fair share while offering support when it is needed most.

5. Be Kind to Yourselves

Most couples build up the idea of their marriage in their minds. The trouble is, when you envision this perfect life together and then the unexpected happens (and it will), it’s harder to stomach. A misstep might lead you to think that you’re failing, and that mindset can be detrimental to your marriage.

First and foremost, understand that it’s okay that not every day in your marriage will be perfect. Don’t beat yourself up about it, and don’t be afraid to talk about it with your spouse, either. During the first year of marriage, you are figuring a lot of things out. Along the way, you’ll both make mistakes, and that’s alright.

Learning how to be married is a process. Don’t obsess over whether you both are doing everything “right.” Instead, work together to discover what works best for you as a couple. Talk about the challenges to find solutions and listen to one another as you work to build the marriage you both want and deserve.